It’s no surprise that Hollywood has spawned remakes of classic slasher flicks like Friday the 13th and Halloween, but why would it bother with 1983’s barely remembered The House on Sorority Row? Maybe a forensic accountant toiling in some studio basement discovered that upon its theatrical release at the height of the slasher craze the film grossed more than … Continue reading Horror review: The House on Sorority Row
Horror review: The Final Destination
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, AUG. 31, 2009 The world of 3-D gore has given horror fans some landmark moments. Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein comically kicked things off in ’73 when a victim got viciously speared in the back, the weapon bursting through his chest, a chunk of liver or spleen or something else meaty and raw dangling from … Continue reading Horror review: The Final Destination
Horror review: Halloween II
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, AUG. 27, 2009 Does anyone remember which horror icon came out on top in 2003’s Freddy vs. Jason? Me neither. But I do know that the Michael Myers you see slaughtering folks in Halloween II would make both Krueger and Voorhees his bitches in two seconds flat. The most impressive thing about HII—Rob Zombie’s follow-up … Continue reading Horror review: Halloween II
Rob Zombie goes for the jugular with Halloween II
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, AUG. 26, 2009 By Steve Newton Rob Zombie likes to fuck with people’s heads. That’s why in his sadistic 2005 shocker The Devil's Rejects, during the scene where two captive men are being driven to a remote location to be butchered by a psycho, the song playing on the van’s radio … Continue reading Rob Zombie goes for the jugular with Halloween II
Horror review: A Perfect Getaway
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, AUG. 5, 2009 Watching too many scary tourist-in-peril flicks can make you paranoid. The last time I was in Puerto Vallarta, I hopped in a cab before realizing that the car had neither a meter nor a two-way radio. And why was the driver heading away from the general direction of … Continue reading Horror review: A Perfect Getaway
Horror review: Orphan
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, JULY 24, 2009 By Steve Newton When you’re filming a killer-orphan flick, it makes sense to have the killer orphan taken in by a secure, happy family, so that the new addition’s sinister intent contrasts starkly with the underlying vibe of domestic well-being. Try telling that to the makers of Orphan. The … Continue reading Horror review: Orphan
Horror review: Drag Me to Hell
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, MAY 29, 2009 How many times in one movie can an audience be scared shitless by a sudden close-up of a screeching, zombielike hag’s face? In the case of Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell, every damn time! Raimi mastered the art of the screeching, zombie hag in The Evil Dead, and 28 … Continue reading Horror review: Drag Me to Hell
Horror review: Obsessed
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, APRIL 27, 2009 After Ali Larter appeared in the first two Final Destination body-count flicks, she was voted number two on Maxim’s Hottest Women of Horror Movies list, right behind Sarah Michelle Gellar. She’s a real stunner, so it’s no wonder the makers of Obsessed chose her to go up against the radiant Beyoncé … Continue reading Horror review: Obsessed
Horror review: Pontypool
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, MARCH 11, 2009 Toronto director Bruce McDonald (Hard Core Logo, Highway 61) makes his first foray into horror with an adaptation of Tony Burgess’s 1998 novel Pontypool Changes Everything. George Romero won’t be looking over his shoulder. The movie starts out well enough, as fallen radio personality Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie, Canada’s craggy-faced … Continue reading Horror review: Pontypool
Horror review: Friday the 13th
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, FEB. 13, 2009 Boy, am I a sucker for punishment. Back in 1980 I was so freaked out by the original Friday the 13th that ever since I’ve felt compelled to follow the gruesome exploits of Jason Voorhees, hoping to catch an equally terrifying buzz. But as anyone who’ll sheepishly admit to seeing … Continue reading Horror review: Friday the 13th
Horror review: The Uninvited
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, JAN. 30, 2009 2009 isn’t shaping up as a banner year for Hollywood horrors. So far, Tinseltown has offered up a 3-D remake of a mediocre ’80s slasher flick (My Bloody Valentine) and a schlocky supernatural flop (The Unborn). Things don’t improve much with the Bowen Island-shot The Uninvited, an unwieldy, paint-by-numbers … Continue reading Horror review: The Uninvited
Horror review: My Bloody Valentine 3-D
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, JAN. 19, 2009 When Jason Voorhees squeezed a victim’s head so hard in Friday the 13th Part III that one of the poor sap’s eyeballs came poppin’ out at ya, horror fans thought they’d witnessed the ultimate 3-D gross-out. But the makers of My Bloody Valentine 3-D are up for the challenge. Near the start … Continue reading Horror review: My Bloody Valentine 3-D
Horror review: The Unborn
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, JAN. 9, 2009 As soon as The Unborn’s end credits started to roll, a guy seated two rows down from me at the promotional screening declared: “That sucked!” I couldn’t have said it better myself—unless I’d added “donkey dicks!” to the assessment. Cloverfield’s smokin’ hot Odette Yustman stars as Chicago college student … Continue reading Horror review: The Unborn