By Steve Newton
A few years ago I came across an old photocopy of a list of “Musician Jokes” that somebody at work had laid on me. Some of them made me chuckle out loud, so I’m passing them on to others who might need a good laugh.
Most of the jokes are at the expense of classical musicians, which for some reason makes them seem funnier.
Feel free to tell them to your buddies next time you’re heading to an Iron Maiden concert.
What’s the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
What’s the difference between playing an English horn solo and wetting your pants? Both give you a warm feeling but no one else cares.
What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist in the road? Skid marks in front of the snake.
What’s the range of a tuba? Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm.
What’s the difference between an oboe and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain? Gifted.
How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to handle the bulb and the other four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.
What’s the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead country singer in the road? The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
What do violists use for birth control? Their personalities.
What’s the difference between a cello and a coffin? The coffin has the corpse inside.
If you know any musician jokes funnier than these, please leave them in the comments section. Feel free to submit ones that target rock ‘n’ rollers as well.
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