ORIGINALLY POSTED ON STRAIGHT.COM, SEPT. 17, 2009
There’s a pivotal scene in Jennifer’s Body where a rock band is playing at a bar. During its first song, a fire breaks out on-stage, and quickly engulfs the entire place, with many patrons burning to death. The scene is basically a small-scale reenactment of the tragedy that occurred in Rhode Island in 2003 when 100 people perished at a Great White gig.
It’s crass, thoughtless, and unnecessary, but at least it’s consistent with the movie as a whole.
This juvenile gorefest opens with the apt-named Needy (Amanda Seyfried) describing how she went from being a slightly nerdy high-school student to a violent patient at a mental hospital. Turns out her BFF, Jennifer (Megan Fox), was transformed into a cannibalistic demon by the previously mentioned rock group when, hoping to make a deal with the devil, they used her for a virgin sacrifice.
But since the oversexed babe was, in her words, “not even a backdoor virgin”, they unwittingly unleashed a fanged hellion forced to feast on fellow students in order to stay Maxim material. When the ravenous vamp tries chompin’ on some regular food—chicken—she just projectile-vomits black goo.
Much to the chagrin of the randy male teens that Jennifer’s Body is meant to lure into theatres, they’re offered nary a glimpse of Ms. Fox’s naked glories. Equally disappointing to some will be the suspenseless script by wunderkind Diablo Cody, who wooed moviegoers and the Academy with her quirky-clever writing on Juno.
The best she can do here is have Jennifer grab Needy’s right boob and proclaim: “These things are like smart bombs! Point them in any direction and you get things done!”